


Frozen Thoughts

by EA Karras (Anne)



Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, Episode Related, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-12-31
Updated: 1999-12-31
Packaged: 2018-11-10 19:43:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11133447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anne/pseuds/EA%20Karras
Summary: Rambling thoughts in the NWT.This story is a sequel toScenes From A Vampire Age.





	Frozen Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).
    
    
    Title: "Frozen Thoughts"
    Author: EA Karras
    Rating: NR
    Notes:  Each section is a different character's thoughts. This one takes
    place during "Call of the Wild", and the full blown fics will take place
    after this. Other than this snapshot and what I showed in the other one,
    everything is pretty much the same as the show. You know...'cept for
    the supernatural stuff. *l* Disclaimers: "Spider" belongs to Danny Elfman,
    Due South to Alliance. Series: The Mountie Slayer
    Pairings: Kowalski/Fraser
    ----
    
    My thoughts are disjointed in ways I never even thought possible. I'm
    hanging, stuck, in a crevice with my mountie and I can't believe how
    much it hurts. Not just the ice pinching us together, but the emotional
    betrayal I still feel that when Vecchio came back Fraser wanted to be
    with him. 
    
    I'm feeling like second desserts. I know that if Vecchio hadn't been
    shot, it'd be him here with Fraser and not me. Nothing Fraser says will
    change my thoughts on that subject. 
    
    Then again, maybe it's just the hypothermia talking. 
    
    It's getting very cold and I feel like there's something crawling up
    my legs and my arms. Under ths skin.  Fraser's telling me something and
    I /know/ I've answered him, but for all the love in the world I have
    no idea what I said back. 
    
    It's the damned vampire thing's fault. I know it. This is gonna kill
    me, and I'll come back and I'll bite him. And that's how they'll find
    us, him bloodless and hanging and me covered in his blood. 
    
    Dammit, he's saying something again. Can't he see I'm freaking out? I
    don't want to talk to him, not now. What I /want/ to do to him probabaly
    isn't possible at this level. Not in the ice. 
    
    There's a look in his eyes that I've never seen before, and he's...what
    the hell...he's kissing me, and I swear to hell if he claims this is
    buddy breathing I'll hurt 'im. 
    
    I kiss him back, but then the most innappropriately bad timed thing happens.
    I have one of my flashes. Not exactly the best thing to do while trapped
    inside an ice crevice. 
    
    First I'm screaming into his mouth, and he's looking at me with those
    wide eyes. He manages to pull away, and I manage to stop screaming. And
    then it really hits. I can see him falling down a mineshaft, I can see
    Muldoon. I can see another mountie, one that looks a lot like Fraser's
    dad used to. Then it's gone, and the pain really starts. 
    
    I'm shaking so bad that it hurts, the ice is /digging/ into my back and
    my sides. It feels like shards of glass. I'm probabaly screaming, but
    I can't hear it. I can't hear anything. Not even Fraser, he's saying
    something. Trying to hold me still, trying to keep me from hurting myself
    and him. 
    
    "Ray. Ray...Ray!!" He's doing that thing again, where he calls my name
    until I answer. I hate that. "Ray, calm down. Please, Ray. You have to
    stop," 
    
    Like I can stop these things, right? But it slows and stops, I feel myself
    slipping, and he's pulling me back up. He's barely holding on to the
    ice by his fingers. I'm saying something under my breath, panting it.
    Over and over again, I'm saying please. Please what? Please help me?
    Please don't drop me? Please don't fall down a mineshaft? Please don't
    leave me? I don't know, but I keep saying it like one of those crazy
    mantra things he does. And somehow he manages to pull us out. 
    
    "You must have loosened us," he says, loudly. Trying to keep my attention,
    I guess. Like he has to work hard to do that. "Ray. No. Ray, don't fall
    asleep.  Ray!" 
    
    But I'm beyond hearing him, slipping into a dark void in my mind that
    I can't get out of. And I don't wanna, not yet. I know that if I do whatever
    I saw will take place. I don't want Fraser to fall, to get hurt if that's
    what that was. And if I stay awake, if I stay well, he will. I don't
    think he'll leave me. 
    
    I hope I'm not wrong.
    
    I think I love him. And I know if he dies, so will I. And I think if
    he stays up here, I will too. 
    
    If he'll have me.
    
    ***
    
    We're in Frobisher's cabin when Ray finally wakes up. He'd had me concerned,
    no... 
    
    He'd had me worried. He was so cold, his skin was like ice. Even Dief
    was worried, though for some reason he had turned into his werehuman
    form even though it wasn't yet a full moon. I'd better consult Leftenant
    Welsh when we get back to Chicago, he /is/ my watcher in Chicago; as
    Frobisher is my watcher here. He should have some clue as to Dief's untimely
    change. 
    
    We are going back, Ray is in no condition to be "backpacking" through
    the territories at this juncture. 
    
    I do wonder if he'd really in any condition to do anything. He lost quite
    a bit of blood when the ice pinched him. And the hypothermia. I can remember
    him begging me for something, but he couldn't seem to get it out what
    he wanted me to do. 
    
    Well, let's just say it's got me very worried. So worried that I actually
    let  the Inspector and Frobisher go after Muldoon. I would never have
    done that if Ray hadn't been ill. They tell me that Muldoon was shot
    by something, and I haven't seen my father since. I don't think I want
    to deal with those ramifications at this moment. 
    
    I don't want him to die. I don't think I could take it if he became a
    vampire. Or something worse. And it could be worse, there are so much
    more worse things that could happen to him than vampirism. If the demons
    smell it on him, that he's been bitten and drank from a vampire... 
    
    It wouldn't be good, let's just say that.
    
    I find myself wishing for the days when the RCMS was stll the RCMP. Dad
    never had this problem until a few years back when we made the switch.
    When the vampires and demons we humans had embraced so willingly started
    to turn on us. 
    
    I think Ray has got it into his head that he's some sort of substitute
    for Ray Vecchio. Far from it. He's been very comforting, but I think
    I've grown closer to him than I ever did to the man he was supposed to
    be portraying. 
    
    Vecchio and I...we...we were partners, and friends. But Ray and I seem
    to be closer than friends. This Ray would never leave me to go undercover,
    he's saved my life more than once, has stuck by me as I stuck by him
    during the entire Cahill incident. 
    
    I kissed him in the ice. 
    
    I think I may do it again.
    
    If he'll have me.
    
    ---
    
    "Spider", Danny Elfman
    
    Spider crawling on the wall
    I see him and he sees it all
    And he sees it all
    I fell down in that lazy place
    Where the English language can't penetrate
    And I saw your mouth moving
    Just forget it and lie here with me
    Maybe we should just climb in under the sheets
    Where the words, they don't get in the way
    We were wondering, if you recall
    Is this the end of it all
    End of everything
    We were wondering, wonder... 
    Spider crawling in my left ear
    Has a message I want you to hear
    Hope you're happy, found what you're looking for
    Do you miss me, do you miss me at all?
    Spider tells us, saw you yesterday
    With somebody new, what can I say?
    What can I...
    Spider crawling, I crawl with him 
    We go everywhere, we see everything
    We are falling, falling to nowhere 
    Hope you're happy, found what you're looking for
    Do you miss me, do you miss me at all?
    
    


End file.
